Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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