...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sex in the backyard? Check.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
