Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
