it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
