But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
