im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
