Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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