New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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