You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize