left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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