I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize