I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
