No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
