New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
