I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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