I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
