Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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