he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
