I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
