I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
