I accidentally burped into my bong.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize