he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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