I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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