Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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