we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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