so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
