you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
