Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
