Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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