come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
