College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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