just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
