I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
