Porn is love you can see.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Randomize
