batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
