i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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