Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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