Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
