I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
