dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
