bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
