no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
