I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
