At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
