He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
