dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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