Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
