she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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