We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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