i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
