I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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