We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
