In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
