I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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