Ambien. No doubt about it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He did a backflip because drugs
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
