The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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