I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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