6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
