who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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