It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
