We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
