I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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