feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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