i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
