we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
