I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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