oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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