Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
