Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
