Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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