mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
