you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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