Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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