I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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