Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
