but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
