i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
