Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
