help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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