if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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