I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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