We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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