what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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