Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
