Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
