i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
