my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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