i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Text me some of your sweat
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