Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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