i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
