she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
