Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
